saltygirl strikes back!: my inner darkness

i've just recently discovered something about myself, & it kind of scares me. but in a good way. or maybe not?

i love lovecraft.

to those who are unaware, this might seem harmless or even fun. i mean it has the words 'love' & 'craft' (the crafting of love?), so how bad could it be? to those who do know, they know this is a step towards a dark part of themselves from which they may never return.

lovecraft, as in mr. h.p. lovecraft, was a pioneer in horror fiction. monsters, aliens, physical metamorphises, interdimensional demon-gods, insanity & all that. go here to read up on him.

i'm kind of a fan when it comes to the horror genre. i like to be scared. blood & gore don't really cut if for me. it's gross, but not exactly scary. i need something a bit more mind-blowing, & lovecraft does just that.

to start off w/, what exactly defines a person? who are you? your likes & dislikes, thoughts, feelings, emotions. these are things that a person might consider a part of their soul / give a person their humanity.

now what lovecraft does is tap into a part of your reptillian mind, the primordial subconscious, where there is no rt/wrong, no logic/reason, no emotion. there just IS. & nothing more. this is the instinctual part that every1 has buried deep w/in their minds that just wants to survive & possibly procreate. it is raw & completely soulless; humanity is gone. in lovecraft's stories, your normal everyday life is a lie you tell yourself to hold on to--erm, yourself. then 1 day you peek thru a doorway or notice a bit of darkness moving in the corner of your room that you've never noticed before, & you're suddenly thrusted into a vast & undefined universe where you do not matter, & if you tried to understand it/your place in it you lose your damn feeble, unable-to-ever-grasp-the-truth mind.

THAT, my friends, is scary to me. to lose yourself & know you can't do a damn thing about it. i've often wondered if crazy ppl knew they were crazy. but there's something so seductive about insanity, to lose yourself. walking the tightrope & peeking over the edge to the monsters & darkness & all of the unkown. it's like being at the crescendo of a rollercoaster ride, rt before it plunges w/ frightening speed. you have no choice but to hold on & HOPE you come out ok & not shit your pants. thrilling, ain't it?

cthullu wants to play w/ your children.

my mother always wanted me to draw flowers & pretty things. harmless things. acceptable things. perhaps i should've listened to the harpy & stuck to the light instead of be curious of what was in the dark.

s'more lovecraft-inspired goodies...